Homemade vegetable stock and pearl barley with kale for dinner

Overbearing sadness, that's what I keep coming back to. I'm glad that I've finally pinned down this emotion and defined it. I have moments of weird giddiness, of both rational and irrational anger, but underneath it all I know that it's this feeling I am trying to get away from. The main cause is my grandma's suffering, the waiting for her departure, knowing that there's a huge amount of pain still to come... but there are other things too. Right now, I see everything with sharpened vision and the world feels harsh

There's nothing much I can do about what is happening around me, only to learn to accept it so I can get through to the other side. However, I can do something about how I feel physically, so I've decided that it's the right moment for a detox. It's the right time of year and it will force me to spend some time on my own, feeling what I am supposed to feel rather than distracting myself. So to kick it all off I made my own vegetable stock today. I had no idea about all the crap they put in vegetable stock cubes. But since I am seeing everything clearly now, I have also taken to reading the ingredients of every single item that I buy. And the conclusion I reached today was: what's the point of buying vegetable stock? It's easy to make, and that's healthier, cheaper and tastier. I boiled half a peeled onion, a few celery sticks and a carrot in plenty of water for about 2 hours. I used some of it for my pearl barley and kale dish up there, and have lots left over. For the pearl barley and kale, I fried some garlic in olive oil, then added the grains, kale and stock, and cooked until soft. Half way through, I added cinnamon. I finished it off with plenty of soya sauce, tabasco and lemon juice. I feel healthier already. By the way, have you heard about this place? I hope that this is the future of food shopping...

Savoury porridge

This wondrous spotted creature is my savoury porridge 

It's loosely based on these breakfast soups that I eat in Thailand, which are made out of rice -  a British version, I guess. I cooked the oats with water and a little salt, then added some beef stock. I topped it off with bits of crispy pre-fried onion and garlic, soya sauce and tabasco. I absolutely loved it, but if you don't think your stomach could handle this first thing, then it would also make a lovely, warming supper. I take my leave of you now for a little while, as I go to Poland on an emergency visit. My beautiful Babcia Ziuta (that's my grandma), one of the people I love most on the entire planet, is in critical condition in hospital. I have no idea what's going to happen next. It's one of those times when the immensity of life hits you straight in the face

Slightly avant-garde pancakes - chocolate and banana, dairy-free

You may be wondering what exactly is so avant-garde about chocolate and banana pancakes. Well, it depends on how you use the banana. I didn't mean to make that sound perverted in any way, so I hope that's not how you're reading it. Today, I messed with the very make-up of the pancake, and this, I would argue, is the avant-garde bit. If you want to imagine me wearing the banana skin as a hat while cooking, then that's OK too

When we think of pancakes flour, eggs and milk are the first things that come to mind. But what would happen if you replaced the eggs with something else that's sticky? Like a banana... Well, nothing bad actually. The pancake is a little heavier, a different consistency, but coupled with this pure coco grated on top, it's a glorious combination

The coco is 100% pure, therefore I sweetened the pancake mixture with a bit of honey. I essentially made a soya milk banana milkshake, then whisked it into the flour. I fried the batter with olive oil rather than butter, simply because I ran out of butter, but I guess this makes these pancakes super-healthy as well as delicious

Ingredients

Cup of plain flour - 200g aprox

Cup of soya milk

1 banana

1 Tblsp honey
Pinch of salt

Pure coco for grating

Light olive oil for frying (or butter)

Boned chicken with liver stuffing

As I was describing to my friend on Friday how my mum was stuffing a chicken with liver in preparation for our weekend at home, I saw a horrified expression slowly spread across her lovely face and I realized that this recipe isn't going to be for everyone. It didn't help that she's a vegetarian, of course (a fact I forgot in my eagerness to share the excitement) but even so, not many meat-eaters like liver either. Now, I pride myself on the fact that at least three of my ex boyfriends hated liver until I cooked it for them when they were dutifully converted, but even so... I can't convince everyone in this way. I have nothing to barter with for start, so if you really really hate every liver product, then there is no point reading anymore, though I do hope you come back soon. Yet there are many liver haters who love pate for instance. And if you are one of these people then this recipe is for you, as well as all the liver lovers out there. The stuffing is extremely pate-esque, especially when eaten on a fresh baguette with mustard for lunch, as I did today

I have never boned a chicken, or any other bird. Even though my mum assures me that it's really very simple and all you do is stick you hand up the chicken's bottom cutting round all the bones, I cannot say, or write, this with any conviction, until I have actually done it myself. In the meantime, here's someone who knows what they're talking about

For the stuffing you simply blend all the ingredients below in a blender- first the liver, then any bits of chicken you may have lying around from the de-boning operation, then everything else. Stuff the chicken. Once you have done this, you will need to take a needle and some thick thread or light string and sow up any holes you've made (you take this out later). Fry the chicken a little in some butter, perhaps 5min each side - we as want the skin to brown slightly before roasting. Now put it in a baking tray with a tiny bit of water in the bottom, and roast, covered in baking foil, for about an hour and a half at 160 degrees C. You'll have lots of gooey stuff at the bottom of the pan, pour this over the chicken. This is great cold, eaten as a starter like in the photo up there, or with a big salad for lunch, or stuffed in sandwich

Ingredients - for 1 medium chicken

500g lambs liver
Soft white bread roll soaked in milk, then squeezed out
2 eggs
Large handful of fresh parsley
Raisins soaked in water for 30min
2 tsp soya sauce
Salt and pepper